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Friday, July 02, 2004

The Onion | American People Ruled Unfit To Govern

Some choice quotes:

The Supreme Court found that, though 78 percent of U.S. citizens have seen Star Wars, only one in 200,000 were aware that the multibillion-dollar "Star Wars" missile-defense system had been approved by Congress. Additionally, while 62 percent of citizens correctly identified the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond, only .01 percent could identify former attorney general Janet Reno beyond "some woman Jay Leno always says looks like a man." Further, only .0003 percent could correctly identify the ancient Greek city-state of Athens as the birthplace of the concept of an educated citizenry participating in democratic self-rule.


The lone dissenting vote came from Justice Anthony Kennedy, who, in his minority opinion, wrote, "Although the American people are clearly unable to make responsible decisions at this time, it is not their fault that they are so uninformed. Rather, the blame lies with the media interests and corporate powers that intentionally keep them in the dark on crucial issues."

Kennedy concluded his opinion by tendering his resignation and announcing his intent "to move to a small island somewhere."


"If you ask me, voting was a big pain anyway," said mother of four Sally Heim of Augusta, ME. "At least now I'm free to do my soap-opera-trivia crossword puzzles in peace, without all that distraction about who's running for Second District Alderperson and what-not."

(end of excerpts)

Too funny for words. Talking about that, make sure you check out feeds from The Daily Show. Among the highlights: Topless Cheney, Republican Punk Rockers and The Supremes tell the Bush administration to 'go f*** yourself' (hey, I'm just quoting the V.P.).

More to come.

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