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Monday, July 26, 2004

Dues to Pay

There's a song by the band Cake that goes 'I'm not feeling alright today/I'm not feeling that great/I'm not catching on fire today/love has started to fade/I'm not going to smile today/I'm not going to laugh/You're out living it up today/I've got dues to pay'. And that's exactly how I feel today. I'm just totally worn out. I don't have anything pithy or amusing to say, I don't even really feel like being at work. If it was up to me, I'd be at home underneath the covers pretending to be asleep and ignoring the world passing by until I feel better. And no, sheeple, Prozac and Lithium ain't going to help. Did it, didn't work. I'm just under a tremendous amount of invisible stress at the moment.
'The curse of potential' as my mum would say.
Have to get it together and make shit happen. For starters, I have to come up with RM1 million by next month. It's not as hard as it sounds, sheeple. It's just that everything has to click in perfect synchronicity. And therein lies the rub. As the old adage goes, 'Man Plans, God Laughs'.
I have a lot to comment on about my situation but I'm currently suffering from verbal constipation. You know that sucker's there and it's blocking everything else but it just won't pop out. The mofo is backing up traffic for miles.
I have a business plan to write and a cashflow report to generate. Once I get these two out of the way I'll be practically home free. But I have to keep my nerve about me. Got to keep calm. I have to understand that people by nature are emotion-based and not logic-based. Hell, if I could just wipe out my emotional response to external and internal stimulus for a month I could get this shit done. Valiums tend to knock you out too much and I'm not supposed to be doing drugs anymore (even if they are technically prescrip meds).
Those are my random thoughts for the hour. Can't help thinking that if I were Pentium-Boy I'd get shit done a lot easier. But then, Pentium-Boy doesn't have Zuli so I'm one up in that department. Joining Umno and moving up the ranks would take too frickin' long. Besides, politics don't really interest me. The human condition does.
Had a bunch of Bangladeshi kids come begging at our dinner table yesterday while me, Zuli, Fad and Manan were eating at Naili's in Ampang. It was frickin' hard to turn them away especially since we were spending a good sum on food. I know I can't go around passing out RM notes everytime I feel sorry for someone. I mean, I do it anyway but I do have a finite source of cash. And treating the symptom isn't going to kick it... it's the disease that we need to cure. 'Do no Evil' as the founders of Google would say.
God I have a lot to say. I might post more later, I might just keep the shit to myself, I don't know. But as they say in my program, 'Act, don't React'. That sounds like mighty good advice today.
I'll talk to you sheeple later. I need to go think over some things.    

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