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Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Ad Agency in Bandar Sunway Looking For Suits

I’m not going to lie to you people. Ass-kissing the boss will be part of your job specs. Possessing the ability to make glib explanations of why you failed to make your monthly sales ‘forecast’ will also be an advantage (don’t think about it, you’ll just hurt your head. If you can do that (or are doing that already at your present job) you’re the right suit for this agency).

The agency is located down the block from Sunway Pyramid. Your hours are 9-6 mondays to fridays and you have to report to the office 9-12 on saturdays (except on public holidays or the second saturday of every month). Attendance at every dumb event the boss (Big Man, Big Mind) hosts is compulsory (you will be ‘resigned’ if you don’t attend). Oh, but you get free pizza and sodas. No allowance for anything (unless you can justify it with a 6 page proposal and stats showing estimated profit margins). One computer with internet access for R&D.

Ok, if you’ve read this far (probably in shock and disbelief) here is why you should consider working for this agency.

Apart from the boss and a few members of the administration (2 but, uhm, you’ll have to work here to find out who) you will get the least amount of bullshit and backstabbing in the ad industry if you work here. If you mind your Ps & Qs, say the right things, keep your nose clean, you have a good chance of keeping your job and getting paid (can you honestly say the same about the bigger agencies?) even if you’re not making sales quotas. Oh, did I mention that they don’t have sales quotas here, just the aforementioned forecasts? We’re looking for smooth-talkers so if you can sweet-talk a Tau ke into giving you his business you can sweet-talk the boss into letting you keep your job. Otherwise get the dumb copywriter to write you a letter. He’s a total whore.

I have never seen a suit stay back after 6 on a weekday unless they’re playing computer games or waiting out the traffic jam or surfing for porn. Extensive malay porn collection will be available to you (upon confirmation, we don’t give our shit to just anyone).

Pretty relaxed work environment otherwise. Most suits don’t even bother coming to the office and stay out all day on appointments. You will have to write a report every week detailing progress on your accounts and potential clients but that’s it.

The office consists of two floors (one of which is being renovated right now and will only be ready at the end of August). Supposedly we’re getting network connections and internet access at every desk but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

The commission is standard but the basic pay is quite high depending on experience. Let me state again, ‘NO SALES QUOTA TO KEEP YOUR JOB’. Only major ass-kissing ability is required.

The Sales Manager is pretty ok (he, by the way, is the King of Ass-kissers so you may do well to worship at his feet and learn his secrets). And he will watch your back and safeguard your interests. Tell me where else will you find an H.O.D. who actually cares if you keep your damn job?

The aforementioned whore of a copywriter is actually quite affable and not temperemental at all. So you can pretty much get him to do your taxes and he’ll take it in the ass like a good little scumbag.

Art Director is some Death Metal fanatic but he’s quite polite and won’t badmouth you or try to backstab you. He keeps his people (the studio) in rein.

You don’t like what the creatives are doing? Want them to change something? No problem. No attitude at all.

Anyway, if you’re interested, send your resume along with a passport-sized photograph to jec@streamyx.com or fax it to us at 03-5627 0008. And don’t forget to include a half-page cover letter telling us why you want this job and why we should hire you.

The positions available are: Media Executive, Media Buyer/Sales and Account Executive. Obviously, experience in client servicing and/or sales is a necessity.

If you should decide to work with us, consider yourself warned beforehand (oh, and sometimes we go out to karaoke or play futsal on company money. They even buy us drinks too).

Cute female applicants will be given top priority and choice pay. Hey, at least we’re honest. If BBDO can get away with it… however, take note that talent and steely determination would score you bonus points regardless of gender. This agency is looking into expanding 200% by the end of this year. For some weird reason, we managed to rope in some serious GLCs to sign contracts with us.

Anyway, hope to hear from you soon. For the rest of you, flame away. You get to make fun of my company… I get to work in this hell-hole.

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